The Learning Curve/The Learning Curve (Weird Science, 1996).iso/literature/drama/aristophanes/lysistrata

Text File | 2008-10-08 | 87KB | 1,862 lines

                              410 BC

                            LYSISTRATA

                         by Aristophanes

                       anonymous translator

                      CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY

       LYSISTRATA
       CLEONICE
       MYRRHINE
       LAMPITO
       MAGISTRATES
       CINESIAS
       CHILD OF CINESIAS
       HERALD OF THE LACEDAEMONIANS
       ENVOYS OF THE LACEDAEMONIANS
       AN ATHENIAN CITIZEN
       CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       CHORUS OF WOMEN


   LYSISTRATA
   LYSISTRATA


       (SCENE:-At the base of the Orchestra are two buildings, the house
   of LYSISTRATA and the entrance to the Acropolis; a winding and
   narrow path leads up to the latter. Between the two buildings is the
   opening of the Cave of Pan. LYSISTRATA is pacing up and down in
   front of her house.)

     LYSISTRATA
       Ah! if only they had been invited to a Bacchic revelling, or a
   feast of Pan or Aphrodite or Genetyllis, why! the streets would have
   been impassable for the thronging tambourines! Now there's never a
   woman here-ah! except my neighbour Cleonice, whom I see approaching
   yonder.... Good day, Cleonice.
     CLEONICE
       Good day, Lysistrata; but pray, why this dark, forbidding face, my
   dear? Believe me, you don't look a bit pretty with those black
   lowering brows.
     LYSISTRATA
       Oh, Cleonice, my heart is on fire; I blush for our sex. Men will
   have it we are tricky and sly....
     CLEONICE
       And they are quite right, upon my word!
     LYSISTRATA
       Yet, look you, when the women are summoned to meet for a matter of
   the greatest importance, they lie in bed instead of coming.
     CLEONICE
       Oh! they will come, my dear; but it's not easy, you know, for
   women to leave the house. One is busy pottering about her husband;
   another is getting the servant up; a third is putting her child asleep
   or washing the brat or feeding it.
     LYSISTRATA
       But I tell you, the business that calls them here is far and
   away more urgent.
     CLEONICE
       And why do you summon us, dear Lysistrata? What is it all about?
     LYSISTRATA
       About a big thing.
     CLEONICE  (taking this in a different sense; with great interest)
       And is it thick too?
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, very thick.
     CLEONICE
       And we are not all on the spot! Imagine!
     LYSISTRATA  (wearily)
       Oh! if it were what you suppose, there would be never an absentee.
   No, no, it concerns a thing I have turned about and about this way and
   that so many sleepless nights.
     CLEONICE  (still unable to be serious)
       It must be something mighty fine and subtle for you to have turned
   it about so!
     LYSISTRATA
       So fine, it means just this, Greece saved by the women!
     CLEONICE
       By the women! Why, its salvation hangs on a poor thread then!
     LYSISTRATA
       Our country's fortunes depend on us-it is with us to undo
   utterly the Peloponnesians.
     CLEONICE
       That would be a noble deed truly!
     LYSISTRATA
       To exterminate the Boeotians to a man!
     CLEONICE
       But surely you would spare the eels.
     LYSISTRATA
       For Athens' sake I will never threaten so fell a doom; trust me
   for that. However, if the Boeotian and Peloponnesian women join us,
   Greece is saved.
     CLEONICE
       But how should women perform so wise and glorious an
   achievement, we women who dwell in the retirement of the household,
   clad in diaphanous garments of yellow silk and long flowing gowns,
   decked out with flowers and shod with dainty little slippers?
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah, but those are the very sheet-anchors of our salvation-those
   yellow tunics, those scents and slippers, those cosmetics and
   transparent robes.
     CLEONICE
       How so, pray?
     LYSISTRATA
       There is not a man will wield a lance against another...
     CLEONICE
       Quick, I will get me a yellow tunic from the dyer's.
     LYSISTRATA
       ...or want a shield.
     CLEONICE
       I'll run and put on a flowing gown.
     LYSISTRATA
       ...or draw a sword.
     CLEONICE
       I'll haste and buy a pair of slippers this instant.
     LYSISTRATA
       Now tell me, would not the women have done best to come?
     CLEONICE
       Why, they should have flown here!
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah! my dear, you'll see that like true Athenians, they will do
   everything too late.... Why, there's not a woman come from the
   shore, not one from Salamis.
     CLEONICE
       But I know for certain they embarked at daybreak.
     LYSISTRATA
       And the dames from Acharnae! why, I thought they would have been
   the very first to arrive.
       CLEONICE
       Theagenes' wife at any rate is sure to come; she has actually been
   to consult Hecate.... But look! here are some arrivals-and there are
   more behind. Ah! ha! now what countrywomen may they be?
     LYSISTRATA
       They are from Anagyra.
     CLEONICE
       Yes! upon my  word, 'tis a levy en masse of all the female
   population of Anagyra!
                              (MYRRHINE enters, followed by other women.)
     MYRRHINE
       Are we late, Lysistrata? Tell us, pray; what, not a word?
     LYSISTRATA
       I cannot say much for you, Myrrhine! you have not bestirred
   yourself overmuch for an affair of such urgency.
     MYRRHINE
       I could not find my girdle in the dark. However, if the matter
   is so pressing, here we are; so speak.
     CLEONICE
       No, let's wait a moment more, till the women of Boeotia arrive and
   those from the Peloponnese.
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, that is best.... Ah! here comes Lampito.  (LAMPITO, a husky
   Spartan damsel, enters with three others, two from Boeotia and one
   from Corinth.)  Good day, Lampito, dear friend from Lacedaemon. How
   well and handsome you look! what a rosy complexion! and how strong you
   seem; why, you could strangle a bull surely!
     LAMPITO
       Yes, indeed, I really think I could. It's because I do
   gymnastics and practise the bottom-kicking dance.
     CLEONICE  (opening LAMPITO'S robe and baring her bosom)
       And what superb breasts!
     LAMPITO
       La! you are feeling me as if I were a beast for sacrifice.
     LYSISTRATA
       And this young woman, where is she from?
     LAMPITO
       She is a noble lady from Boeotia.
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah! my pretty Boeotian friend, you are as blooming as a garden.
     CLEONICE  (making another inspection)
       Yes, on my word! and her "garden" is so thoroughly weeded too!
     LYSISTRATA (pointing to the Corinthian)
       And who is this?
     LAMPITO
       'Tis an honest woman, by my faith! she comes from Corinth.
     CLEONICE
       Oh! honest, no doubt then-as honesty goes at Corinth.
     LAMPITO
       But who has called together this council of women, pray?
     LYSISTRATA
       I have.
     LAMPITO
       Well then, tell us what you want of us.
     CLEONICE
       Yes, please tell us! What is this very important business you wish
   to inform us about?
     LYSISTRATA
       I will tell you. But first answer me one question.
     CLEONICE
       Anything you wish.
     LYSISTRATA
       Don't you feel sad and sorry because the fathers of your
   children are far away from you with the army? For I'll wager there
   is not one of you whose husband is not abroad at this moment.
     CLEONICE
       Mine has been the last five months in Thrace-looking after
   Eucrates.
     MYRRHINE
       It's seven long months since mine left for Pylos.
     LAMPITO
       As for mine, if he ever does return from service, he's no sooner
   home than he takes down his shield again and flies back to the wars.
     LYSISTRATA
       And not so much as the shadow of a lover! Since the day the
   Milesians betrayed us, I have never once seen an eight-inch gadget
   even, to be a leathern consolation to us poor widows.... Now tell
   me, if I have discovered a means of ending the war, will you all
   second me?
     CLEONICE
       Yes verily, by all the goddesses, I swear I will, though I have to
   put my gown in pawn, and drink the money the same day.
     MYRRHINE
       And so will I, though I must be split in two like a flat-fish, and
   have half myself removed.
     LAMPITO
       And I too; why to secure peace, I would climb to the top of
   Mount Taygetus.
     LYSISTRATA
       Then I will out with it at last, my mighty secret! Oh! sister
   women, if we would compel our husbands to make peace, we must
   refrain...
     CLEONICE
       Refrain from what? tell us, tell us!
     LYSISTRATA
       But will you do it?
     MYRRHINE
       We will, we will, though we should die of it.
     LYSISTRATA
       We must refrain from the male altogether.... Nay, why do you
   turn your backs on me? Where are you going? So, you bite your lips,
   and shake your heads, eh? Why these pale, sad looks? why these
   tears? Come, will you do it-yes or no? Do you hesitate?
     CLEONICE
       I will not do it, let the war go on.
     MYRRHINE
       Nor will I; let the war go on.
     LYSISTRATA  (to MYRRHINE)
       And you say this, my pretty flat-fish, who declared just now
   they might split you in two?
     CLEONICE
       Anything, anything but that! Bid me go through the fire, if you
   will,-but to rob us of the sweetest thing in all the world, Lysistrata
   darling!
     LYSISTRATA  (to MYRRHINE)
       And you?
     MYRRHINE
       Yes, I agree with the others; I too would sooner go through the
   fire.
     LYSISTRATA
       Oh, wanton, vicious sex! the poets have done well to make
   tragedies upon us; we are good for nothing then but love and lewdness!
   But you, my dear, you from hardy Sparta, if you join me, all may yet
   be well; help me, second me, I beg you.
     LAMPITO
       'Tis a hard thing, by the two goddesses it is! for a woman to
   sleep alone without ever a strong male in her bed. But there, peace
   must come first.
     LYSISTRATA
       Oh, my darling, my dearest, best friend, you are the only one
   deserving the name of woman!
     CLEONICE
       But if-which the gods forbid-we do refrain altogether from what
   you say, should we get peace any sooner?
     LYSISTRATA
       Of course we should, by the goddesses twain! We need only sit
   indoors with painted cheeks, and meet our mates lightly clad in
   transparent gowns of Amorgos silk, and perfectly depilated; they
   will get their tools up and be wild to lie with us. That will be the
   time to refuse, and they will hasten to make peace, I am convinced
   of that!
     LAMPITO
       Yes, just as Menelaus, when he saw Helen's naked bosom, threw away
   his sword, they say.
     CLEONICE
       But, oh dear, suppose our husbands go away and leave us.
     LYSISTRATA
       Then, as Pherecrates says, we must "flay a skinned dog," that's
   all.
     CLEONICE
       Fiddlesticks! these proverbs are all idle talk.... But if our
   husbands drag us by main force into the bedchamber?
     LYSISTRATA
       Hold on to the door posts.
     CLEONICE
       But if they beat us?
     LYSISTRATA
       Then yield to their wishes, but with a bad grace; there is no
   pleasure in it for them, when they do it by force. Besides, there
   are a thousand ways of tormenting them. Never fear, they'll soon
   tire of the game; there's no satisfaction for a man, unless the
   woman shares it.
     CLEONICE
       Very well, if you must have it so, we agree.
     LAMPITO
       For ourselves, no doubt we shall persuade our husbands to conclude
   a fair and honest peace; but there is the Athenian populace, how are
   we to cure these folk of their warlike frenzy?
     LYSISTRATA
       Have no fear; we undertake to make our own people listen to
   reason.
     LAMPITO
       That's impossible, so long as they have their trusty ships and the
   vast treasures stored in the temple of Athene.
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah! but we have seen to that; this very day the Acropolis will
   be in our hands. That is the task assigned to the older women; while
   we are here in council, they are going, under pretence of offering
   sacrifice, to seize the citadel.
     LAMPITO
       Well said indeed! everything is going for the best.
     LYSISTRATA
       Come, quick, Lampito, and let us bind ourselves by an inviolable
   oath.
     LAMPITO
       Recite the terms; we will swear to them.
     LYSISTRATA
       With pleasure. Where is our Scythian policewoman? Now, what are
   you staring at, pray? Lay this shield on the earth before us, its
   hollow upwards, and someone bring me the victim's inwards.
     CLEONICE
       Lysistrata, say, what oath are we to swear?
     LYSISTRATA
       What oath? Why, in Aeschylus, they sacrifice a sheep, and swear
   over a buckler; we will do the same.
     CLEONICE
       No, Lysistrata, one cannot swear peace over a buckler, surely.
     LYSISTRATA
       What other oath do you prefer?
     CLEONICE
       Let's take a white horse, and sacrifice it, and swear on its
   entrails.
     LYSISTRATA
       But where shall we get a white horse?
     CLEONICE
       Well, what oath shall we take then?
     LYSISTRATA
       Listen to me. Let's set a great black bowl on the ground; let's
   sacrifice a skin of Thasian wine into it, and take oath not to add one
   single drop of water.
     LAMPITO
       Ah! that's an oath pleases me more than I can say.
     LYSISTRATA
       Let them bring me a bowl and a skin of wine.
     CLEONICE
       Ah! my dears, what a noble big bowl! what fun it will be to
   empty it
     LYSISTRATA
       Set the bowl down on the ground, and lay your hands on the victim.
   ...Almighty goddess, Persuasion, and thou, bowl, boon comrade of joy
   and merriment, receive this our sacrifice, and be propitious to us
   poor women!
     CLEONICE  (as LYSISTRATA pours the wine into the bowl)
       Oh! the fine red blood! how well it flows!
     LAMPITO
       And what a delicious bouquet, by Castor!
     CLEONICE
       Now, my dears, let me swear first, if you please.
     LYSISTRATA
       No, by Aphrodite, unless it's decided by lot. But come, then,
   Lampito, and all of you, put your hands to the bowl; and do you,
   Cleonice, repeat for all the rest the solemn terms I am going to
   recite. Then you must all swear, and pledge yourselves by the same
   promises,-I will have naught to do whether with lover or husband...
     CLEONICE  (faintly)
       I will have naught to do whether with lover or husband...
     LYSISTRATA
       Albeit he come to me with an erection...
     CLEONICE  (her voice quavering)
       Albeit he come to me with an erection...  (in despair)  Oh!
   Lysistrata, I cannot bear it!
     LYSISTRATA  (ignoring this outburst)
       I will live at home unbulled...
     CLEONICE
       I will live at home unbulled...
     LYSISTRATA
       Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffron-coloured gown
     CLEONICE
       Beautifully dressed and wearing a saffron-coloured gown...
     LYSISTRATA
       To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent longings.
     CLEONICE
       To the end I may inspire my husband with the most ardent longings.
     LYSISTRATA
       Never will I give myself voluntarily...
     CLEONICE
       Never will I give myself voluntarily...
     LYSISTRATA
       And if he has me by force...
     CLEONICE
       And if he has me by force...
     LYSISTRATA
       I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb...
     CLEONICE
       I will be cold as ice, and never stir a limb...
     LYSISTRATA
       I will neither extend my Persian slippers toward the ceiling...
     CLEONICE
       I will neither extend my Persian slippers toward the ceiling...
     LYSISTRATA
       Nor will I crouch like the carven lions on a knife-handle.
     CLEONICE
       Nor will I crouch like the carven lions on a knife-handle.
     LYSISTRATA
       And if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this wine.
     CLEONICE  (more courageously)
       And if I keep my oath, may I be suffered to drink of this wine.
     LYSISTRATA
       But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water.
     CLEONICE
       But if I break it, let my bowl be filled with water.
     LYSISTRATA
       Will you all take this oath?
     ALL
       We do.
     LYSISTRATA
       Then I'll now consume this remnant.
                                                           (She drinks.)
     CLEONICE  (reaching for the cup)
       Enough, enough, my dear; now let us all drink in turn to cement
   our friendship.
       (They pass the cup around and all drink. A great commotion is
         heard off stage.)
     LAMPITO
       Listen! what do those cries mean?
     LYSISTRATA
       It's what I was telling you; the women have just occupied the
   Acropolis. So now, Lampito, you return to Sparta to organize the plot,
   while your comrades here remain as hostages. For ourselves, let us
   go and join the rest in the citadel, and let us push the bolts well
   home.
     CLEONICE
       But don't you think the men will march up against us?
     LYSISTRATA
       I laugh at them. Neither threats nor flames shall force our doors;
   they shall open only on the conditions I have named.
     CLEONICE
       Yes, yes, by Aphrodite; otherwise we should be called cowardly and
   wretched women.
                                            (She follows LYSISTRATA out.)

       (The scene shifts to the entrance of the Acropolis. The CHORUS
        OF OLD MEN slowly enters, carrying faggots and pots of fire.)

     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Go easy, Draces, go easy; why, your shoulder is all chafed by
   these damned heavy olive stocks. But forward still, forward, man, as
   needs must.
     FIRST SEMI-CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       What unlooked-for things do happen, to be sure, in a long life!
   Ah! Strymodorus, who would ever have thought it? Here we have the
   women, who used, for our misfortune, to eat our bread and live in
   our houses, daring nowadays to lay hands on the holy image of the
   goddess, to seize the Acropolis and draw bars and bolts to keep any
   from entering!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Come, Philurgus, man, let's hurry there; let's lay our faggots all
   about the citadel, and on the blazing pile burn with our hands these
   vile conspiratresses, one and all-and Lycon's wife first and foremost!
     SECOND SEMI-CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       Nay, by Demeter, never will I let them laugh at me, whiles I
   have a breath left in my body. Cleomenes himself, the first who ever
   seized our citadel, had to quit it to his sore dishonour; spite his
   Lacedaemonian pride, he had to deliver me up his arms and slink off
   with a single garment to his back. My word! but he was filthy and
   ragged! and what an unkempt beard, to be sure! He had not had a bath
   for six long years!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Oh! but that was a mighty siege! Our men were ranged seventeen
   deep before the gate, and never left their posts, even to sleep. These
   women, these enemies of Euripides and all the gods, shall I do nothing
   to hinder their inordinate insolence? else let them tear down my
   trophies of Marathon.
     FIRST SEMI-CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       But look, to finish this toilsome climb only this last steep bit
   is left to mount. Truly, it's no easy job without beasts of burden,
   and how these logs do bruise my shoulder! Still let us carry on, and
   blow up our fire and see it does not go out just as we reach our
   destination. Phew! phew!  (Blowing the fire)  Oh! dear! what a
   dreadful smoke!
     SECOND SEMI-CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       It bites my eyes like a mad dog. It is Lemnian fire for sure, or
   it would never devour my eyelids like this. Come on, Laches, let's
   hurry, let's bring succour to the goddess; it's now or never! Phew!
   phew!  (Blowing the fire)  Oh dear! what a confounded smoke!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       There now, there's our fire all bright and burning, thank the
   gods! Now, why not first put down our loads here, then take a
   vine-branch, light it at the brazier and hurl it at the gate by way of
   battering-ram? If they don't answer our summons by pulling back the
   bolts, then we set fire to the woodwork, and the smoke will choke
   them. Ye gods! what a smoke! Pfaugh! Is there never a Samian general
   will help me unload my burden?-Ah! it shall not gall my shoulder any
   more.  (Setting down the wood)  Come, brazier, do your duty, make
   the embers flare, that I may kindle a brand; I want to be the first to
   hurl one. Aid me, heavenly Victory; let us punish for their insolent
   audacity the women who have seized our citadel, and may we raise a
   trophy of triumph for success!

              (They begin to build a fire. The CHORUS OF WOMEN
                    now enters, carrying pots of water.)

     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Oh!  my dears, methinks I see fire and smoke; can it be a
   conflagration? Let us hurry all we can.
     FIRST SEMI-CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       Fly, fly, Nicodice, ere Calyce and Critylle perish in the fire, or
   are stifled in the smoke raised by these accursed old men and their
   pitiless laws. But, great gods, can it be I come too late? Rising at
   dawn, I had the utmost trouble to fill this vessel at the fountain.
   Oh! what a crowd there was, and what a din! What a rattling of
   water-pots! Servants and slave-girls pushed and thronged me!
   However, here I have it full at last; and I am running to carry the
   water to my fellow-townswomen, whom our foes are plotting to burn
   alive.
     SECOND SEMI-CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       News has been brought us that a company of old, doddering
   grey-beards, loaded with enormous faggots, as if they wanted to heat a
   furnace, have taken the field, vomiting dreadful threats, crying
   that they must reduce to ashes these horrible women. Suffer them
   not, oh! goddess, but, of thy grace, may I see Athens and Greece cured
   of their warlike folly. 'Tis to this end, oh! thou guardian deity of
   our city, goddess of the golden crest, that they have seized thy
   sanctuary. Be their friend and ally, Athene, and if any man hurl
   against them lighted firebrands, aid us to carry water to extinguish
   them.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       What is this I see, ye wretched old men? Honest and pious folk
   ye cannot be who act so vilely.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Ah, ha! here's something new! a swarm of women stand posted
   outside to defend the gates!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Fart at us, would you? we seem a mighty host, yet you do not see
   the ten-thousandth part of our sex.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Ho, Phaedrias! shall we stop their cackle? Suppose one of us
   were to break a stick across their backs, eh?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Let us set down our water-pots on the ground, to be out of the
   way, if they should dare to offer us violence.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Let someone knock out two or three teeth for them, as they did
   to Bupalus; they won't talk so loud then.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Come on then; I wait you with unflinching foot, and no other bitch
   will ever grab your balls.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Silence! or my stick will cut short your days.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Now, just you dare to touch Stratyllis with the tip of your
   finger!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       And if I batter you to pieces with my fists, what will you do?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I will tear out your lungs and entrails with my teeth.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Oh! what a clever poet is Euripides! how well he says that woman
   is the most shameless of animals.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Let's pick up our water-jars again, Rhodippe.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       You damned women, what do you mean to do here with your water?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       And you, old death-in-life, with your fire? Is it to cremate
   yourself?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       I am going to build you a pyre to roast your female friends upon.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       And I,-I am going to put out your fire.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       You put out my fire-you?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Yes, you shall soon see.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       I don't know what prevents me from roasting you with this torch.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I am getting you a bath ready to clean off the filth.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       A bath for me, you dirty slut?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Yes, indeed, a nuptial bath-tee heel
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (turning to his followers)
       Do you hear that? What insolence!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I am a free woman, I tell you.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       I will make you hold your tongue, never fear!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Ah ha! you shall never sit any more amongst the Heliasts.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (to his torch)
       Burn off her hair for her!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN  (to her pot)
       Achelous, do your duty!

                   (The women pitch the water in their
                      water-pots over the old men.)

     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Oh, dear! oh, dear! oh, dear!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Was it hot?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Hot, great gods! Enough, enough!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I'm watering you, to make you bloom afresh.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Alas! I am too dry! Ah, me how! how I am trembling with cold!
                    (A MAGISTRATE enters, with a few Scythian policemen.)
     MAGISTRATE
       These women, have they made din enough, I wonder, with their
   tambourines? bewept Adonis enough upon their terraces? I was listening
   to the speeches last assembly day, and Demostratus, whom heaven
   confound! was saying we must all go over to Sicily-and lo! his wife
   was dancing round repeating: "Alas! alas! Adonis, woe is me for
   Adonis!" Demostratus was saying we must levy hoplites at Zacynthus-and
   there was his wife, more than half drunk, screaming on the house-roof:
   "Weep, weep for Adonis!"-while that infamous Mad Ox was bellowing away
   on his side.-Do you not blush, you women, for your wild and uproarious
   doings?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       But you don't know all their effrontery yet! They abused and
   insulted us; then soused us with the water in their water-pots, and
   have set us wringing out our clothes, for all the world as if we had
   bepissed ourselves.
     MAGISTRATE
       And well done too, by Posidon! We men must share the blame of
   their ill conduct; it is we who teach them to love riot and
   dissoluteness and sow the seeds of wickedness in their hearts. You see
   a husband go into a shop: "Look you, jeweller," says he, "you remember
   the necklace you made for my wife. Well, the other evening, when she
   was dancing, the catch came open. Now, I am bound to start for
   Salamis; will you make it convenient to go up to-night to make her
   fastening secure?" Another will go to the cobbler, a great, strong
   fellow, with a great, long tool, and tell him: "The strap of one of my
   wife's sandals presses her little toe, which is extremely sensitive;
   come in about midday to supple the thing and stretch it." Now see
   the results. Take my own case-as a Magistrate I have enlisted
   rowers; I want money to pay them, and the women slam the door in my
   face. But why do we stand here with arms crossed? Bring me a
   crowbar; I'll chastise their insolence!-Ho! there, my fine fellow!
   (to one of the Scythians)  what are, you gaping at the crows for?
   looking for a tavern, I suppose, eh? Come on, bring crowbars here, and
   force open the gates. I will put a hand to the work myself.
     LYSISTRATA  (opening the gate and walking out)
       No need to force the gates; I am coming out-here I am. And why
   bolts and bars? What we want here is not bolts and bars and locks, but
   common sense.
     MAGISTRATE  (jumping nervously, then striving manfully to regain his
                  dignity)
       Really, my fine lady! Where is my officer? I want him to tie
   that woman's hands behind her back.
     LYSISTRATA
       By Artemis, the virgin goddess! if he touches me with the tip of
   his finger, officer of the public peace though he be, let him look out
   for himself!
                                (The first Scythian defecates in terror.)
     MAGISTRATE  (to another officer)
       How now, are you afraid? Seize her, I tell you, round the body.
   Two of you at her, and have done with it!
     CLEONICE
       By Pandrosos! if you lay a hand on her, Ill trample you
   underfoot till the crap comes out of you!
                               (The second Scythian defecates in terror.)
     MAGISTRATE
       Look at the mess you've made! Where is there another officer?  (To
   the third Scythian)  Bind that minx first, the one who speaks so
   prettily!
     MYRRHINE
       By Phoebe, if you touch her with one finger, you'd better call
   quick for a surgeon!
                                (The third Scythian defecates in terror.)
     MAGISTRATE
       What's that? Where's the officer?  (To the fourth Scythian)  Lay
   hold of her. Oh! but I'm going to stop your foolishness for you all
     CLEONICE
       By the Tauric Artemis, if you go near her, I'll pull out your
   hair, scream as you like.
                               (The fourth Scythian defecates in terror.)
     MAGISTRATE
       Ah! miserable man that I am! My own officers desert me. What ho!
   are we to let ourselves be bested by a mob of women? Ho! Scythians
   mine, close up your ranks, and forward!
     LYSISTRATA
       By the holy goddesses! you'll have to make acquaintance with
   four companies of women, ready for the fray and well armed to boot.
     MAGISTRATE
       Forward, Scythians, and bind them!
                                     (The Scythians advance reluctantly.)
     LYSISTRATA
       Forward, my gallant companions; march forth, ye vendors of grain
   and eggs, garlic and vegetables, keepers of taverns and bakeries,
   wrench and strike and tear; come, a torrent of invective and insult!
    (They beat the Scythians who retire in haste.)  Enough, enough now
   retire, never rob the vanquished!
                                                    (The women withdraw.)
     MAGISTRATE
       How unfortunate for my officers!
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah, ha! so you thought you had only to do with a set of
   slave-women! you did not know the ardour that fills the bosom of
   free-born dames.
     MAGISTRATE
       Ardour! yes, by Apollo, ardour enough-especially for the wine-cup!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Sir, sir what good are words? they are of no avail with wild
   beasts of this sort. Don't you know how they have just washed us
   down-and with no very fragrant soap!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       What would you have? You should never have laid rash hands on
   us. If you start afresh, I'll knock your eyes out. My delight is to
   stay at home as coy as a young maid, without hurting anybody or moving
   any more than a milestone; but 'ware the wasps, if you go stirring
   up the wasps' nest!
     CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       Ah! great gods! how get the better of these ferocious creatures?
   'tis past all bearing! But come, let us try to find out the reason
   of the dreadful scourge. With what end in view have they seized the
   citadel of Cranaus, the sacred shrine that is raised upon the
   inaccessible rock of the Acropolis?
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (to the MAGISTRATE)
       Question them; be cautious and not too credulous. It would be
   culpable negligence not to pierce the mystery, if we may.
     MAGISTRATE  (addressing the women)
       I would ask you first why you have barred our gates.
     LYSISTRATA
       To seize the treasury; no more money, no more war.
     MAGISTRATE
       Then money is the cause of the war?
     LYSISTRATA
       And of all our troubles. It was to find occasion to steal that
   Pisander and all the other agitators were forever raising revolutions.
   Well and good! but they'll never get another drachma here.
     MAGISTRATE
       What do you propose to do then, pray?
     LYSISTRATA
       You ask me that! Why, we propose to administer the treasury
   ourselves.
     MAGISTRATE
       You do?
     LYSISTRATA
       What is there in that to surprise you? Do we not administer the
   budget of household expenses?
     MAGISTRATE
       But that is not the same thing.
     LYSISTRATA
       How so-not the same thing?
     MAGISTRATE
       It is the treasury supplies the expenses of the war.
     LYSISTRATA
       That's our first principle-no war!
     MAGISTRATE
       What! and the safety of the city?
     LYSISTRATA
       We will provide for that.
     MAGISTRATE
       You?
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, we!
     MAGISTRATE
       What a sorry business!
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, we're going to save you, whether you like it or not.
     MAGISTRATE
       Oh! the impudence of the creatures!
     LYSISTRATA
       You seem annoyed! but it has to be done, nevertheless.
     MAGISTRATE
       But it's the very height of iniquity!
     LYSISTRATA  (testily)
       We're going to save you, my good man.
     MAGISTRATE
       But if I don't want to be saved?
     LYSISTRATA
       Why, all the more reason!
     MAGISTRATE
       But what a notion, to concern yourselves with questions of peace
   and war!
     LYSISTRATA
       We will explain our idea.
     MAGISTRATE
       Out with it then; quick, or... (threatening her).
     LYSISTRATA  (sternly)
       Listen, and never a movement, please!
     MAGISTRATE  (in impotent rage)
       Oh! it is too much for me! I cannot keep my temper!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Then look out for yourself; you have more to fear than we have.
     MAGISTRATE
       Stop your croaking, you old crow!  (To LYSISTRATA)  Now you, say
   what you have to say.
     LYSISTRATA
       Willingly. All the long time the war has lasted, we have endured
   in modest silence all you men did; you never allowed us to open our
   lips. We were far from satisfied, for we knew how things were going;
   often in our homes we would hear you discussing, upside down and
   inside out, some important turn of affairs. Then with sad hearts,
   but smiling lips, we would ask you: Well, in today's Assembly did they
   vote peace?-But, "Mind your own business!" the husband would growl,
   "Hold your tongue, please!" And we would say no more.
     CLEONICE
       I would not have held my tongue though, not I!
     MAGISTRATE
       You would have been reduced to silence by blows then.
     LYSISTRATA
       Well, for my part, I would say no more. But presently I would come
   to know you had arrived at some fresh decision more fatally foolish
   than ever. "Ah! my dear man," I would say, "what madness next!" But he
   would only look at me askance and say: "Just weave your web, please;
   else your cheeks will smart for hours. War is men's business!"
     MAGISTRATE
       Bravo! well said indeed!
     LYSISTRATA
       How now, wretched man? not to let us contend against your
   follies was bad enough! But presently we heard you asking out loud
   in the open street: "Is there never a man left in Athens?" and, "No,
   not one, not one," you were assured in reply. Then, then we made up
   our minds without more delay to make common cause to save Greece. Open
   your ears to our wise counsels and hold your tongues, and we may yet
   put things on a better footing.
     MAGISTRATE
       You put things indeed! Oh! this is too much! The insolence of
   the creatures!
     LYSISTRATA
       Be still!
     MAGISTRATE
       May I die a thousand deaths ere I obey one who wears a veil!
     LYSISTRATA
       If that's all that troubles you, here, take my veil, wrap it round
   your head, and hold your tongue.
     CLEONICE
       Then take this basket; put on a girdle, card wool, munch beans.
   The war shall be women's business.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Lay aside your water-pots, we will guard them, we will help our
   friends and companions.
     CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       For myself, I will never weary of the dance; my knees will never
   grow stiff with fatigue. I will brave everything with my dear
   allies, on whom Nature has lavished virtue, grace, boldness,
   cleverness, and whose wisely directed energy is going to save the
   State.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Oh! my good, gallant Lysistrata, and all my friends, be ever
   like a bundle of nettles; never let your anger slacken; the winds of
   fortune blow our way.
     LYSISTRATA
       May gentle Love and the sweet Cyprian Queen shower seductive
   charms on our breasts and our thighs. If only we may stir so amorous a
   feeling among the men that they stand as firm as sticks, we shall
   indeed deserve the name of peace-makers among the Greeks.
     MAGISTRATE
       How will that be, pray?
     LYSISTRATA
       To begin with, we shall not see you any more running like mad
   fellows to the Market holding lance in fist.
     CLEONICE
       That will be something gained, anyway, by the Paphian goddess,
   it will!
     LYSISTRATA
       Now we see them, mixed up with saucepans and kitchen stuff,
   armed to the teeth, looking like wild Corybantes!
     MAGISTRATE
       Why, of course; that's what brave men should do.
     LYSISTRATA
       Oh! but what a funny sight, to behold a man wearing a
   Gorgon's-bead buckler coming along to buy fish!
     CLEONICE
       The other day in the Market I saw a phylarch with flowing
   ringlets; he was on horseback, and was pouring into his helmet the
   broth he had just bought at an old dame's still. There was a
   Thracian warrior too, who was brandishing his lance like Tereus in the
   play; he had scared a good woman selling figs into a perfect panic,
   and was gobbling up all her ripest fruit-
     MAGISTRATE
       And how, pray, would you propose to restore peace and order in all
   the countries of Greece?
     LYSISTRATA
       It's the easiest thing in the world!
     MAGISTRATE
       Come, tell us how; I am curious to know.
     LYSISTRATA
       When we are winding thread, and it is tangled, we pass the spool
   across and through the skein, now this way, now that way; even so,
   to finish of the war, we shall send embassies hither and thither and
   everywhere, to disentangle matters.
     MAGISTRATE
       And is it with your yarn, and your skeins, and your spools, you
   think to appease so many bitter enmities, you silly women?
     LYSISTRATA
       If only you had common sense, you would always do in politics
   the same as we do with our yarn.
     MAGISTRATE
       Come, how is that, eh?
     LYSISTRATA
       First we wash the yarn to separate the grease and filth; do the
   same with all bad citizens, sort them out and drive them forth with
   rods-they're the refuse of the city. Then for all such as come
   crowding up in search of employments and offices, we must card them
   thoroughly; then, to bring them all to the same standard, pitch them
   pell-mell into the same basket, resident aliens or no, allies, debtors
   to the State, all mixed up together. Then as for our Colonies, you
   must think of them as so many isolated hanks; find the ends of the
   separate threads, draw them to a centre here, wind them into one, make
   one great hank of the lot, out of which the public can weave itself
   a good, stout tunic.
     MAGISTRATE
       Is it not a sin and a shame to see them carding and winding the
   State, these women who have neither art nor part in the burdens of the
   war?
     LYSISTRATA
       What! wretched man! why, it's a far heavier burden to us than to
   you. In the first place, we bear sons who go off to fight far away
   from Athens.
     MAGISTRATE
       Enough said! do not recall sad and sorry memories!
     LYSISTRATA
       Then secondly, instead of enjoying the pleasures of love and
   making the best of our youth and beauty, we are left to languish far
   from our husbands, who are all with the army. But say no more of
   ourselves; what afflicts me is to see our girls growing old in
   lonely grief.
     MAGISTRATE
       Don't the men grow old too?
     LYSISTRATA
       That is not the same thing. When the soldier returns from the
   wars, even though he has white hair, he very soon finds a young
   wife. But a woman has only one summer; if she does not make hay
   while the sun shines, no one will afterwards have anything to say to
   her, and she spends her days consulting oracles that never send her
   a husband.
     MAGISTRATE
       But the old man who can still get an erection...
     LYSISTRATA
       But you, why don't you get done with it and die? You are rich;
   go buy yourself a bier, and I will knead you a honey-cake for
   Cerberus. Here, take this garland.
                                              (Drenching him with water.)
     CLEONICE
       And this one too.
                                              (Drenching him with water.)
     MYRRHINE
       And these fillets.
                                              (Drenching him with water.)
     LYSISTRATA
       What else do you need? Step aboard the boat; Charon is waiting for
   you, you're keeping him from pushing off.
     MAGISTRATE
       To treat me so scurvily! What an insult! I will go show myself
   to my fellow-magistrates just as I am.
     LYSISTRATA
       What! are you blaming us for not having exposed you according to
   custom? Nay, console yourself; we will not fail to offer up the
   third-day sacrifice for you, first thing in the morning.
               (She goes into the Acropolis, with CLEONICE and MYRRHINE.)
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Awake, friends of freedom; let us hold ourselves aye ready to act.
     CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       I suspect a mighty peril; I foresee another tyranny like Hippias'.
   I am sore afraid the Laconians assembled here with Clisthenes have, by
   a stratagem of war, stirred up these women, enemies of the gods, to
   seize upon our treasury and the funds whereby I lived.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Is it not a sin and a shame for them to interfere in advising
   the citizens, to prate of shields and lances, and to ally themselves
   with Laconians, fellows I trust no more than I would so many
   famished wolves? The whole thing, my friends, is nothing else but an
   attempt to re-establish tyranny. But I will never submit; I will be on
   my guard for the future; I will always carry a blade hidden under
   myrtle boughs; I will post myself in the public square under arms,
   shoulder to shoulder with Aristogiton; and now, to make a start, I
   must just break a few of that cursed old jade's teeth yonder.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Nay, never play the brave man, else when you go back home, your
   own mother won't know you. But, dear friends and allies, first let
   us lay our burdens down.
     CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       Then, citizens all, hear what I have to say. I have useful counsel
   to give our city, which deserves it well at my hands for the brilliant
   distinctions it has lavished on my girlhood. At seven years of age,
   I carried the sacred vessels; at ten, I pounded barley for the altar
   of Athene; next, clad in a robe of yellow silk, I played the bear to
   Artemis at the Brauronia; presently, when I was grown up, a tall,
   handsome maiden, they put a necklace of dried figs about my neck,
   and I was one of the Canephori.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       So surely I am bound to give my best advice to Athens. What
   matters that I was born a woman, if I can cure your misfortunes? I pay
   my share of tolls and taxes, by giving men to the State. But you,
   you miserable greybeards, you contribute nothing to the public
   charges; on the contrary, you have wasted the treasure of our
   forefathers, as it was called, the treasure amassed in the days of the
   Persian Wars. You pay nothing at all in return; and into the bargain
   you endanger our lives and liberties by your mistakes. Have you one
   word to say for yourselves?... Ah! don't irritate me, you there, or
   I'll lay my slipper across your jaws; and it's pretty heavy.
     CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       Outrage upon outrage! things are going from bad to worse. Let us
   punish the minxes, every one of us that has balls to boast of. Come,
   off with our tunics, for a man must savour of manhood; come, my
   friends, let us strip naked from head to foot. Courage, I say, we
   who in our day garrisoned Lipsydrion; let us be young again, and shake
   off eld.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       If we give them the least hold over us, that's the end! their
   audacity will know no bounds! We shall see them building ships, and
   fighting sea-fights, like Artemisia; and, if they want to mount and
   ride as cavalry, we had best cashier the knights, for indeed women
   excel in riding, and have a fine. firm seat for the gallop. Just think
   of all those squadrons of Amazons Micon has painted for us engaged
   in hand-to-hand combat with men. Come then, we must now fit collars to
   all these willing necks.
     CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       By the blessed goddesses, if you anger me, I will let loose the
   beast of my evil passions, and a very hailstorm of blows will set
   you yelling for help. Come, dames, off with your tunics, and quick's
   the word; women must smell the smell of women in the throes of
   passion.... Now just you dare to measure strength with me, old
   greybeard, and I warrant you you'll never eat garlic or black beans
   any more. No, not a word! my anger is at boiling point, and I'll do
   with you what the beetle did with the eagle's eggs.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I laugh at your threats, so long as I have on my side Lampito
   here, and the noble Theban, my dear Ismenia.... Pass decree on decree,
   you can do us no hurt, you wretch abhorred of all your fellows. Why,
   only yesterday, on occasion of the feast of Hecate, I asked my
   neighbours of Boeotia for one of their daughters for whom my girls
   have a lively liking -a fine, fat eel to wit; and if they did not
   refuse, all along of your silly decrees! We shall never cease to
   suffer the like, till some one gives you a neat trip-up and breaks
   your neck for you!  (To LYSISTRATA as she comes out from the
   Acropolis)  You, Lysistrata, you who are leader of our glorious
   enterprise, why do I see you coming towards me with so gloomy an air?
     LYSISTRATA
       It's the behaviour of these naughty women, it's the female heart
   and female weakness that so discourage me.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Tell us, tell us, what is it?
     LYSISTRATA
       I only tell the simple truth.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       What has happened so disconcerting? Come, tell your friends.
     LYSISTRATA
       Oh! the thing is so hard to tell-yet so impossible to conceal.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Never seek to hide any ill that has befallen our cause.
     LYSISTRATA
       To blurt it out in a word-we want laying!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Oh! Zeus, oh! Zeus!
     LYSISTRATA
       What use calling upon Zeus? The thing is even as I say. I cannot
   stop them any longer from lusting after the men. They are all for
   deserting. The first I caught was slipping out by the postern gate
   near the cave of Pan; another was letting herself down by a rope and
   pulley; a third was busy preparing her escape; while a fourth, perched
   on a bird's back, was just taking wing for Orsilochus' house, when I
   seized her by the hair. One and all, they are inventing excuses to
   be off home.  (Pointing to the gate)  Look! there goes one, trying
   to get out! Halloa there! whither away so fast?
     FIRST WOMAN
       I want to go home; I have some Milesian wool in the house, which
   is getting all eaten up by the worms.
     LYSISTRATA
       Bah! you and your worms! go back, I say!
     FIRST WOMAN
       I will return immediately, I swear I will by the two goddesses!
   I only have just to spread it out on the bed.
     LYSISTRATA
       You shall not do anything of the kind! I say, you shall not go.
     FIRST WOMAN
       Must I leave my wool to spoil then?
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, if need be.
     SECOND WOMAN
       Unhappy woman that I am! Alas for my flax! I've left it at home
   unstript!
     LYSISTRATA
       So, here's another trying to escape to go home and strip her flax!
     SECOND WOMAN
       Oh! I swear by the goddess of light, the instant I have put it
   in condition I will come straight back.
     LYSISTRATA
       You shall do nothing of the kind! If once you began, others
   would want to follow suit.
     THIRD WOMAN
       Oh! goddess divine, Ilithyia, patroness of women in labour,
   stay, stay the birth, till I have reached a spot less hallowed than
   Athene's mount!
     LYSISTRATA
       What mean you by these silly tales?
     THIRD WOMAN
       I am going to have a child-now, this minute!
     LYSISTRATA
       But you were not pregnant yesterday!
     THIRD WOMAN
       Well, I am to-day. Oh! let me go in search of the midwife,
   Lysistrata, quick, quick!
     LYSISTRATA
       What is this fable you are telling me?  (Feeling her stomach)  Ah!
   what have you got there so hard?
     THIRD WOMAN
       A male child.
     LYSISTRATA
       No, no, by Aphrodite! nothing of the sort! Why, it feels like
   something hollow-a pot or a kettle.  (Opening her robe)  Oh! you silly
   creature, if you have not got the sacred helmet of Pallas-and you said
   you were with child!
     THIRD WOMAN
       And so I am, by Zeus, I am!
     LYSISTRATA
       Then why this helmet, pray?
     THIRD WOMAN
       For fear my pains should seize me in the Acropolis; I mean to
   lay my eggs in this helmet, as the doves do.
     LYSISTRATA
       Excuses and pretences every word! the thing's as clear as
   daylight. Anyway, you must stay here now till the fifth day, your
   day of purification.
     THIRD WOMAN
       I cannot sleep any more in the Acropolis, now I have seen the
   snake that guards the temple.
     FOURTH WOMAN
       Ah! and those awful owls with their dismal hooting! I cannot get a
   wink of rest, and I'm just dying of fatigue.
     LYSISTRATA
       You wicked women, have done with your falsehoods! You want your
   husbands, that's plain enough. But don't you think they want you
   just as badly? They are spending dreadful nights, oh! I know that well
   enough. But hold out, my dears, hold out! A little more patience,
   and the victory will be ours. An oracle promises us success, if only
   we remain united. Shall I repeat the words?
     THIRD WOMAN
       Yes, tell us what the oracle declares.
     LYSISTRATA
       Silence then! Now-"Whenas the swallows, fleeing before the
   hoopoes, shall have all flocked together in one place, and shall
   refrain them from all amorous commerce, then will be the end of all
   the ills of life; yea, and Zeus, who doth thunder in the skies,
   shall set above what was erst below...."
     THIRD WOMAN
       What! shall the men be underneath?
     LYSISTRATA
       "But if dissension do arise among the swallows, and they take wing
   from the holy temple, it will be said there is never a more wanton
   bird in all the world."
     THIRD WOMAN
       Ye gods! the prophecy is clear.
     LYSISTRATA
       Nay, never let us be cast down by calamity! let us be brave to
   bear, and go back to our posts. It would be shameful indeed not to
   trust the promises of the oracle.
                                   (They all go back into the Acropolis.)
     CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (singing)
       I want to tell you a fable they used to relate to me when I was
   a little boy. This is it: Once upon a time there was a young man
   called Melanion, who hated the thought of marriage so sorely that he
   fled away to the wilds. So he dwelt in the mountains, wove himself
   nets, and caught hares. He never, never came back, he had such a
   horror of women. As chaste as Melanion, we loathe the jades just as
   much as he did.
     AN OLD MAN  (beginning a brief duet with one of the women)
       You dear old woman, I would fain kiss you.
     WOMAN
       I will set you crying without onions.
     OLD MAN
       And give you a sound kicking.
     WOMAN  (pointing)
       Ah, ha! what a dense forest you have there!
     OLD MAN
       So was Myronides one of the bushiest of men of this side; his
   backside was all black, and he terrified his enemies as much as
   Phormio.
     CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       I want to tell you a fable too, to match yours about Melanion.
   Once there was a certain man called Timon, a tough customer, and a
   whimsical, a true son of the Furies, with a face that seemed to
   glare out of a thorn-bush. He withdrew from the world because he
   couldn't abide bad men, after vomiting a thousand curses at them. He
   had a holy horror of ill-conditioned fellows, but he was mighty tender
   towards women.
     WOMAN  (beginning another duet)
       Suppose I up and broke your jaw for you!
     OLD MAN
       I am not a bit afraid of you.
     WOMAN
       Suppose I let fly a good kick at you?
     OLD MAN
       I should see your thing then.
     WOMAN
       You would see that, for all my age, it is very well plucked.
     LYSISTRATA  (rushing out of the Acropolis)
       Ho there! come quick, come quick!
     ONE OF THE WOMEN
       What is it? Why these cries?
     LYSISTRATA
       A man! a man! I see him approaching all afire with the flames of
   love. Oh! divine Queen of Cyprus, Paphos and Cythera, I pray you still
   be propitious to our enterprise.
     WOMAN
       Where is he, this unknown foe?
     LYSISTRATA
       Over there-beside the Temple of Demeter.
     WOMAN
       Yes, indeed, I see him; but who is he?
     LYSISTRATA
       Look, look! do any of you recognize him?
     MYRRHINE  (joyfully)
       I do, I do! it's my husband Cinesias.
     LYSISTRATA
       To work then! Be it your task to inflame and torture and torment
   him. Seductions, caresses, provocations, refusals, try every means!
   Grant every favour,-always excepting what is forbidden by our oath
   on the wine-bowl.
     MYRRHINE
       Have no fear, I'll do it.
     LYSISTRATA
       Well, I shall stay here to help you cajole the man and set his
   passions aflame. The rest of you withdraw.
       (CINESIAS enters, in obvious and extreme sexual excitement. A
         slave follows him carrying an infant.)
     CINESIAS
       Alas! alas! how I am tortured by spasm and rigid convulsion! Oh! I
   am racked on the wheel!
     LYSISTRATA
       Who is this that dares to pass our lines?
     CINESIAS
       It is I.
     LYSISTRATA
       What, a man?
     CINESIAS
       Very much so!
     LYSISTRATA
       Get out.
     CINESIAS
       But who are you that thus repulses me?
     LYSISTRATA
       The sentinel of the day.
     CINESIAS
       For the gods' sake, call Myrrhine.
     LYSISTRATA
       Call Myrrhine, you say? And who are you?
     CINESIAS
       I am her husband, Cinesias, son of Paeon.
     LYSISTRATA
       Ah! good day, my dear friend. Your name is not unknown amongst us.
   Your wife has it forever on her lips; and she never touches an egg
   or an apple without saying: "This is for Cinesias."
     CINESIAS
       Really and truly?
     LYSISTRATA
       Yes, indeed, by Aphrodite! And if we fall to talking of men, quick
   your wife declares: "Oh! all the rest, they're good for nothing
   compared with Cinesias."
     CINESIAS
       Oh! please, please go and call her to me!
     LYSISTRATA
       And what will you give me for my trouble?
     CINESIAS
       Anything I've got, if you like.  (Pointing to the evidence of
   his condition)  I will give you what I have here!
     LYSISTRATA
       Well, well, I will tell her to come.
                                              (She enters the Acropolis.)
     CINESIAS
       Quick, oh! be quick! Life has no more charms for me since she left
   my house. I am sad, sad, when I go indoors; it all seems so empty;
   my victuals have lost their savour. And all because of this erection
   that I can't get rid of!
     MYRRHINE  (to LYSISTRATA, over her shoulder)
       I love him, oh! I love him; but he won't let himself be loved. No!
   I shall not come.
     CINESIAS
       Myrrhine, my little darling Myrrhine, what are you saying? Come
   down to me quick.
     MYRRHINE
       No indeed, not I.
     CINESIAS
       I call you, Myrrhine, Myrrhine; won't you please come?
     MYRRHINE
       Why should you call me? You do not want me.
     CINESIAS
       Not want you! Why, here I stand, stiff with desire!
     oMYRRHINE
       Good-bye.
                                                (She turns, as if to go.)
     CINESIAS
       Oh! Myrrhine, Myrrhine, in our child's name, hear me; at any
   rate hear the child! Little lad, call your mother.
     CHILD
       Mamma, mamma, mamma!
     CINESIAS
       There, listen! Don't you pity the poor child? It's six days now
   you've never washed and never fed the child.
     MYRRHINE
       Poor darling, your father takes mighty little care of you!
     CINESIAS
       Come down, dearest, come down for the child's sake.
     MYRRHINE
       Ah! what a thing it is to be a mother! Well, well, we must come
   down, I suppose.
     CINESIAS  (as MYRRHINE approaches)
       Why, how much younger and prettier she looks! And how she looks at
   me so lovingly! Her cruelty and scorn only redouble my passion.
     MYRRHINE  (ignoring him; to the child)
       You are as sweet as your father is provoking! Let me kiss you,
   my treasure, mother's darling!
     CINESIAS
       Ah! what a bad thing it is to let yourself be led away by other
   women! Why give me such pain and suffering, and yourself into the
   bargain?
     MYRRHINE  (as he is about to embrace her)
       Hands off, sir!
     CINESIAS
       Everything is going to rack and ruin in the house.
     MYRRHINE
       I don't care.
     CINESIAS
       But your web that's all being pecked to pieces by the cocks and
   hens, don't you care for that?
     MYRRHINE
       Precious little.
     CINESIAS
       And Aphrodite, whose mysteries you have not celebrated for so
   long? Oh! won't you please come back home?
     MYRRHINE
       No, least, not till a sound treaty puts an end to the war.
     CINESIAS
       Well, if you wish it so much, why, we'll make it, your treaty.
     MYRRHINE
       Well and good! When that's done, I will come home. Till then, I am
   bound by an oath.
     CINESIAS
       At any rate, lie with me for a little while.
     MYRRHINE
       No, no, no!  (she hesitates)  but just the same I can't say I
   don't love you.
     CINESIAS
       You love me? Then why refuse to lie with me, my little girl, my
   sweet Myrrhine?
     MYRRHINE  (pretending to be shocked)
       You must be joking! What, before the child!
     CINESIAS  (to the slave)
       Manes, carry the lad home. There, you see, the child is gone;
   there's nothing to hinder us; won't you lie down now?
     MYRRHINE
       But, miserable man, where, where?
     CINESIAS
       In the cave of Pan; nothing could be better.
     MYRRHINE
       But how shall I purify myself before going back into the citadel?
     CINESIAS
       Nothing easier! you can wash at the Clepsydra.
     MYRRHINE
       But my oath? Do you want me to perjure myself?
     CINESIAS
       I'll take all responsibility; don't worry.
     MYRRHINE
       Well, I'll be off, then, and find a bed for us.
     CINESIAS
       There's no point in that; surely we can lie on the ground.
     MYRRHINE
       No, no! even though you are bad, I don't like your lying on the
   bare earth.
                                      (She goes back into the Acropolis.)
     CINESIAS  (enraptured)
       Ah! how the dear girl loves me!
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with a cot)
       Come, get to bed quick; I am going to undress. But, oh dear, we
   must get a mattress.
     CINESIAS
       A mattress? Oh! no, never mind about that!
     MYRRHINE
       No, by Artemis! lie on the bare sacking? never! That would be
   squalid.
     CINESIAS
       Kiss me!
     MYRRHINE
       Wait a minute!
                                                  (She leaves him again.)
     CINESIAS
       Good god, hurry up
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with a mattress)
       Here is a mattress. Lie down, I am just going to undress. But
   you've got no pillow.
     CINESIAS
       I don't want one either!
     MYRRHINE
       But I do.
                                                  (She leaves him again.)
     CINESIAS
       Oh god, oh god, she treats my tool just like Heracles!
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with a pillow)
       There, lift your head, dear!  (Wondering what else to tantalize
   him with; to herself)  Is that all, I wonder?
     CINESIAS  (misunderstanding)
       Surely. there's nothing else. Come, my treasure.
     MYRRHINE
       I am just unfastening my girdle. But remember what you promised me
   about making peace; mind you keep your word.
     CINESIAS
       Yes, yes, upon my life I will.
     MYRRHINE
       Why, you have no blanket!
     CINESIAS
       My god, what difference does that make? What I want is to make
   love!
     MYRRHINE  (going out again)
       Never fear-directly, directly! I'll be back in no time.
     CINESIAS
       The woman will kill me with her blankets!
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with a blanket)
       Now, get yourself up.
     CINESIAS  (pointing)
       I've got this up!
     MYRRHINE
       Wouldn't you like me to scent you?
     CINESIAS
       No, by Apollo, no, please don't!
     MYRRHINE
       Yes, by Aphrodite, but I will, whether you like it or not.
                                                    (She goes out again.)
     CINESIAS
       God, I wish she'd hurry up and get through with all this!
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with a flask of perfume)
       Hold out your hand; now rub it in.
     CINESIAS
       Oh! in Apollo's name, I don't much like the smell of it; but
   perhaps it will improve when it's well rubbed in. It does not
   somehow smack of the marriage bed!
     MYRRHINE
       Oh dear! what a scatterbrain I am; if I haven't gone and brought
   Rhodian perfumes!
     CINESIAS
       Never mind, dearest, let it go now.
     MYRRHINE
       You don't really mean that.
                                                              (She goes.)
     CINESIAS
       Damn the man who invented perfumes!
     MYRRHINE  (coming back with another flask)
       Here, take this bottle.
     CINESIAS
       I have a better one allready for you, darling. Come, you provoking
   creature, to bed with you, and don't bring another thing.
     MYRRHINE
       Coming, coming; I'm just slipping off my shoes. Dear boy, will you
   vote for peace?
     CINESIAS
       I'll think about it.  (MYRRHINE runs away.)  I'm a dead man, she
   is killing me! She has gone, and left me in torment!  (in tragic
   style)  I must have someone to lay, I must! Ah me! the loveliest of
   women has choused and cheated me. Poor little lad, how am I to give
   you what you want so badly? Where is Cynalopex? quick, man, get him
   a nurse, do!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Poor, miserable wretch, baulked in your amorousness! what tortures
   are yours! Ah! you fill me with pity. Could any man's back and loins
   stand such a strain. He stands stiff and rigid, and there's never a
   wench to help him!
     CINESIAS
       Ye gods in heaven, what pains I suffer!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Well, there it is; it's her doing, that abandoned hussy!
     CINESIAS
       No, no! rather say that sweetest, dearest darling.
                                                            (He departs.)
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       That dearest darling? no, no, that hussy, say I! Zeus, thou god of
   the skies, canst not let loose a hurricane, to sweep them all up
   into the air, and whirl them round, then drop them down crash! and
   impale them on the point of this man's tool!
       (A Spartan HERALD enters; he shows signs of being in the same
         condition as CINESIAS.)
     HERALD
       Say, where shall I find the Senate and the Prytanes? I am bearer
   of despatches.
                                         (An Athenian MAGISTRATE enters.)
     MAGISTRATE
       Are you a man or a Priapus?
     HERALD  (with an effort at officiousness)
       Don't be stupid! I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I
   come from Sparta about making peace.
     MAGISTRATE  (pointing)
       But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.
     HERALD  (embarrassed)
       No, nothing of the sort.
     MAGISTRATE
       Then why do you turn away like that, and hold your cloak out
   from your body? Have you got swellings in the groin from your journey?
     HERALD
       By the twin brethren! the man's an old maniac.
     MAGISTRATE
       But you've got an erection! You lewd fellow!
     HERALD
       I tell you no! but enough of this foolery.
     MAGISTRATE  (pointing)
       Well, what is it you have there then?
     HERALD
       A Lacedaemonian 'skytale.'
     MAGISTRATE
       Oh, indeed, a 'skytale,' is it? Well, well, speak out frankly; I
   know all about these matters. How are things going at Sparta now?
     HERALD
       Why, everything is turned upside down at Sparta; and all the
   allies have erections. We simply must have Pellene.
     MAGISTRATE
       What is the reason of it all? Is it the god Pan's doing?
     HERALD
       No, it's all the work of Lampito and the women who are acting at
   her instigation; they have kicked the men out from between their
   thighs.
     MAGISTRATE
       But what are you doing about it?
     HERALD
       We are at our wits' end; we walk bent double, just as if we were
   carrying lanterns in a wind. The jades have sworn we shall not so much
   as touch them till we have all agreed to conclude peace.
     MAGISTRATE
       Ah! I see now, it's a general conspiracy embracing all Greece.
   Go back to Sparta and bid them send envoys plenipotentiary to treat
   for peace. I will urge our Senators myself to name plenipotentiaries
   from us; and to persuade them, why, I will show them my own tool.
     HERALD
       What could be better? I fly at your command.
                                    (They go out in opposite directions.)
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       No wild beast is there, no flame of fire, more fierce and
   untamable than woman; the leopard is less savage and shameless.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       And yet you dare to make war upon me, wretch, when you might
   have me for your most faithful friend and ally.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Never, never can my hatred cease towards women.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Well, suit yourself. Still I cannot bear to leave you all naked as
   you are; folks would laugh at you. Come, I am going to put this
   tunic on you.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       You are right, upon my word! it was only in my confounded fit of
   rage that I took it off.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Now at any rate you look like a man, and they won't make fun of
   you. Ah! if you had not offended me so badly, I would take out that
   nasty insect you have in your eye for you.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Ah! so that's what was annoying me so Look, here's a ring, just
   remove the insect, and show it to me. By Zeus! it has been hurting
   my eye for a long time now.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Well, I agree, though your manners are not over and above
   pleasant. Oh I what a huge great gnat! just look! It's from
   Tricorythus, for sure.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       A thousand thanks! the creature was digging a regular well in my
   eye; now that it's gone, my tears can flow freely.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       I will wipe them for you-bad, naughty man though you are. Now,
   just one kiss.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       A kiss? certainly not
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
       Just one, whether you like it or not.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Oh! those confounded women! how they do cajole us! How true the
   saying: " 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to
   live without 'em!" Come, let us agree for the future not to regard
   each other any more as enemies; and to clinch the bargain, let us sing
   a choric song.
     COMBINED CHORUS OF WOMEN AND OLD MEN  (singing)
       We desire, Athenians, to speak ill of no man; but on the
   contrary to say much good of everyone, and to do the like. We have had
   enough of misfortunes and calamities. If there is any man or woman who
   wants a bit of money-two or three minas or so; well, our purse is
   full. If only peace is concluded, the borrower will not have to pay
   back. Also I'm inviting to supper a few Carystian friends, who are
   excellently well qualified. I have still a drop of good soup left, and
   a young porker I'm going to kill, and the flesh will be sweet and
   tender. I shall expect you at my house to-day; but first away to the
   baths with you, you and your children; then come all of you, ask no
   one's leave, but walk straight up, as if you were at home; never fear,
   the door will be... shut in your faces!
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Ah! here come the envoys from Sparta with their long flowing
   beards; why, you would think they wore pigstyes between their thighs.
   (Enter the LACONIAN ENVOYS afflicted like their herald.)  Hail to you,
   first of all, Laconians; then tell us how you fare.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       No need for many words; you can see what a state we are in.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Alas! the situation grows more and more strained! the intensity of
   the thing is simply frightful.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       It's beyond belief. But to work! summon your Commissioners, and
   let us patch up the best peace we may.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Ah! our men too, like wrestlers in the arena, cannot endure a
   rag over their bellies; it's an athlete's malady, which only
   exercise can remedy.
       (The MAGISTRATE returns; he too now has an evident reason to
         desire peace.)
     MAGISTRATE
       Can anybody tell us where Lysistrata is? Surely she will have some
   compassion on our condition.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN  (pointing)
       Look! now he has the very same complaint.  (To the MAGISTRATE)
   Don't you feel a strong nervous tension in the morning?
     MAGISTRATE
       Yes, and a dreadful, dreadful torture it is! Unless peace is
   made very soon, we shall find no recourse but to make love to
   Clisthenes.
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Take my advice, and arrange your clothes as best you can; one of
   the fellows who mutilated the Hermae might see you.
     MAGISTRATE
       Right, by Zeus.
       (He endeavours, not too successfully, to conceal his condition.)
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       Quite right, by the Dioscuri. There, I will put on my tunic.
     MAGISTRATE
       Oh! what a terrible state we are in! Greeting to you, Laconian
   fellow-sufferers.
     LACONIAN ENVOY  (addressing one of his countrymen)
       Ah! my boy, what a terrible thing it would have been if these
   fellows had seen us just now when we were on full stand!
     MAGISTRATE
       Speak out, Laconians, what is it brings you here?
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       We have come to treat for peace.
     MAGISTRATE
       Well said; we are of the same mind. Better call Lysistrata,
   then; she is the only person will bring us to terms.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       Yes, yes-and Lysistratus into the bargain, if you will.
     MAGISTRATE
       Needless to call her; she has heard your voices, and here she
   comes.
                                        (She comes out of the Acropolis.)
     LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
       Hail, boldest and bravest of womankind! The time is come to show
   yourself in turn uncompromising and conciliatory, exacting and
   yielding, haughty and condescending. Call up all your skill and
   artfulness. Lo! the foremost men in Hellas, seduced by your
   fascinations, are agreed to entrust you with the task of ending
   their quarrels.
     LYSISTRATA
       It will be an easy task-if only they refrain from mutual
   indulgence in masculine love; if they do, I shall know the fact at
   once. Now, where is the gentle goddess Peace?  (The goddess, in the
   form of a beautiful nude girl is brought in by the Machine.)  Lead
   hither the Laconian envoys. But, look you, no roughness or violence;
   our husbands always behaved so boorishly. Bring them to me with
   smiles, as women should. If any refuse to give you his hand, then take
   hold of his tool. Bring up the Athenians too; you may lead them either
   way. Laconians, approach; and you, Athenians, on my other side. Now
   hearken all! I am but a woman; but I have good common sense; Nature
   has endowed me with discriminating judgment, which I have yet
   further developed, thanks to the wise teachings of my father and the
   elders of the city. First I must bring a reproach against you that
   applies equally to both sides. At Olympia, and Thermopylae, and
   Delphi, and a score of other places too numerous to mention, you
   celebrate before the same altars ceremonies common to all Hellenes;
   yet you go cutting each other's throats, and sacking Hellenic
   cities, when all the while the barbarian yonder is threatening you!
   That is my first point.
     MAGISTRATE  (devouring the goddess with his eyes)
       Good god, this erection is killing me!
     LYSISTRATA
       Now it is to you I address myself, Laconians. Have you forgotten
   how Periclidas, your own countryman, sat a suppliant before our
   altars? How pale he was in his purple robes! He had come to crave an
   army of us; it was the time when Messenia was pressing you sore, and
   the Sea-god was shaking the earth. Cimon marched to your aid at the
   head of four thousand hoplites, and saved Lacedaemon. And, after
   such a service as that, you ravage the soil of your benefactors!
     MAGISTRATE
       They do wrong, very wrong, Lysistrata.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       We do wrong, very wrong.  (Looking at the goddess)  Ah! great
   gods! what a lovely bottom Peace has!
     LYSISTRATA
       And now a word to the Athenians. Have you no memory left of how,
   in the days when you wore the tunic of slaves, the Laconians came,
   spear in hand, and slew a host of Thessalians and partisans of Hippias
   the tyrant? They, and they only, fought on your side on that
   eventful day; they delivered you from despotism, and thanks to them
   our nation could change the short tunic of the slave for the long
   cloak of the free man.
     LACONIAN ENVOY  (looking at LYSISTRATA)
       I have never see a woman of more gracious dignity.
     MAGISTRATE  (looking at PEACE)
       I have never seen a woman with a finer body!
     LYSISTRATA
       Bound by such ties of mutual kindness, how can you bear to be at
   war? Stop, stay the hateful strife, be reconciled; what hinders you?
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       We are quite ready, if they will give us back our rampart.
     LYSISTRATA
       What rampart, my dear man?
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       Pylos, which we have been asking for and craving for ever so long.
     MAGISTRATE
       In the Sea-god's name, you shall never have it!
     LYSISTRATA
       Agree, my friends, agree.
     MAGISTRATE
       But then what city shall we be able to stir up trouble in?
     LYSISTRATA
       Ask for another place in exchange.
     MAGISTRATE
       Ah! that's the ticket! Well, to begin with, give us Echinus, the
   Maliac gulf adjoining, and the two legs of Megara.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       No, by the Dioscuri, surely not all that, my dear sir.
     LYSISTRATA
       Come to terms; never make a difficulty of two legs more or less!
     MAGISTRATE  (his eye on PEACE)
       Well, I'm ready to strip down and get to work right now.
                                               (He takes off his mantle.)
     LACONIAN ENVOY  (following out this idea)
       And I also, to dung it to start with.
     LYSISTRATA
       That's just what you shall do, once peace is signed. So, if you
   really want to make it, go consult your allies about the matter.
     MAGISTRATE
       What allies, I should like to know? Why, we are all erected;
   there's no one who is not mad to be mating. What we all want is to
   be in bed with our wives; how should our allies fail to second our
   project?
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       And ours too, for certain sure!
     MAGISTRATE
       The Carystians first and foremost by the gods!
     LYSISTRATA
       Well said, indeed! Now go and purify yourselves for entering the
   Acropolis, where the women invite you to supper; we will empty our
   provision baskets to do you honour. At table, you will exchange
   oaths and pledges; then each man will go home with his wife.
     MAGISTRATE
       Come along then, and as quick as may be.
     LACONIAN ENVOY
       Lead on; I'm your man.
     MAGISTRATE
       Quick, quick's the word, say I.
                             (They follow LYSISTRATA into the Acropolis.)
     CHORUS OF WOMEN  (singing)
       Embroidered stuffs, and dainty tunics, and flowing gowns, and
   golden ornaments, everything I have, I offer them to you with all my
   heart; take them all for your children, for your girls, in case they
   are chosen Canephori. I invite you every one to enter, come in and
   choose whatever you will; there is nothing so well fastened, you
   cannot break the seals, and carry away the contents. Look about you
   everywhere. . . you won't find a blessed thing, unless you have
   sharper eyes than mine. And if any of you lacks corn to feed his
   slaves and his young and numerous family, why, I have a few grains
   of wheat at home; let him take what I have to give, a big twelve-pound
   loaf included. So let my poorer neighbours all come with bags and
   wallets; my man, Manes, shall give them corn; but I warn them not to
   come near my door, but-beware the dog!
            (Another MAGISTRATE enters, and begins knocking at the gate.)
     SECOND MAGISTRATE
       I say, you, open the door!  (To the WOMEN)  Go your way, I tell
   you.  (As the women sit down in front of the gate)  Why, bless me,
   they're sitting down now; I shall have to singe 'em with my torch to
   make 'em stir! What impudence! I won't take this. Oh, well, if it's
   absolutely necessary, just to please you, we'll have to take the
   trouble.
     AN ATHENIAN
       And I'll share it with you.

       (He brandishes the torch he is carrying and the CHORUS OF WOMEN
           departs. The CHORUS OF OLD MEN follows shortly after.)

     SECOND MAGISTRATE
       No, no, you must be off-or I'll tear your hair out, I will; be
   off, I say, and don't annoy the Laconian envoys; they're just coming
   out from the banquet-ball.
     ATHENIAN
       Such a merry banquet I've never seen before! The Laconians were
   simply charming. After the drink is in, why, we're all wise men, every
   one of us.
     MAGISTRATE
       It's only natural, to be sure, for sober, we're all fools. Take my
   advice, my fellow-countrymen, our envoys should always be drunk. We go
   to Sparta; we enter the city sober; why, we must be picking a
   quarrel directly. We don't understand what they say to us, we
   imagine a lot they don't say at all, and we report home all wrong, all
   topsy-urvy. But, look you, to-day it's quite different; we're
   enchanted whatever happens; instead of Clitagora, they might sing us
   Telamon, and we should clap our hands just the same. A perjury or
   two into the bargain, why! What does that matter to merry companions
   in their cups? (The two CHORUSES return.)  But here they are back
   again! Will you begone, you loafing scoundrels.
                                             (The CHORUSES retire again.)
     ATHENIAN
       Ah ha! here's the company coming out already.

       (Two choruses, one Laconian and one Athenian, enter, dancing to
   the music of flutes; they are followed by the women under the
   leadership of LYSISTRATA.)

     A LACONIAN
       My dear, sweet friend, come, take your flute in hand; I would fain
   dance and sing my best in honour of the Athenians and our noble
   selves.
     ATHENIAN
       Yes, take your flute, in the gods'name. What a delight to see
   him dance!
     LACONIAN  (dancing and singing)
       Oh! Mnemosyne! inspire these men, inspire my muse who knows our
   exploits and those of the Athenians. With what a god-like ardour did
   they swoop down at Artemisium on the ships of the Medes! What a
   glorious victory was that! For the soldiers of Leonidas, they were
   like fierce boars whetting their tusks. The sweat ran down their
   faces, and drenched all their limbs, for verily the Persians were as
   many as the sands of the seashore. Oh! Artemis, huntress queen,
   whose arrows pierce the denizens of the woods, virgin goddess, be thou
   favourable to the peace we here conclude; through thee may our
   hearts be long united! May this treaty draw close for ever the bonds
   of a happy friendship! No more wiles and stratagems! Aid us, oh! aid
   us, maiden huntress!
     MAGISTRATE
       All is for the best; and now, Laconians, take your wives away home
   with you, and you, Athenians, yours. May husband live happily with
   wife, and wife with husband. Dance, dance, to celebrate our bliss, and
   let us be heedful to avoid like mistakes for the future.
     CHORUS OF ATHENIANS  (singing)
       Appear, appear, dancers, and the Graces with you! Let us invoke,
   one and all, Artemis, and her heavenly brother, gracious Apollo,
   patron of the dance, and Dionysus, whose eye darts flame, as he
   steps forward surrounded by the Maenad maids, and Zeus, who wields the
   flashing lightning, and his august, thrice-blessed spouse, the Queen
   of Heaven! These let us invoke, and all the other gods, calling all
   the inhabitants of the skies to witness the noble Peace now
   concluded under the fond auspices of Aphrodite. Io Paean! Io Paean!
   dance, leap, as in honour of a victory won. Euoi! Euoi!  Euai! Euai!
     MAGISTRATE
       And you, our Laconian guests, sing us a new and inspiring strain!
     LACONIAN  (singing)
       Leave once more, oh! leave once more the noble height of Taygetus,
   oh! Muse of Lacedaemon, and join us in singing the praises of Apollo
   of Amyclae, and Athene of the Brazen House, and the gallant twin
   sons of Tyndareus, who practise arms on the banks of the Eurotas
   river. Haste, haste hither with nimble-footed pace, let us sing
   Sparta, the city that delights in choruses divinely sweet and graceful
   dances, when our maidens bound lightly by the river side, like
   frolicsome fillies, beating the ground with rapid steps and shaking
   their long locks in the wind, as Bacchantes wave their wands in the
   wild revels of the Wine-god. At their head, oh! chaste and beauteous
   goddess, daughter of Leto, Artemis, do thou lead the song and dance.
   With a fillet binding thy waving tresses, appear in thy loveliness;
   leap like a fawn, strike thy divine hands together to animate the
   dance, and aid us to renown the valiant goddess of battles, great
   Athene of the Brazen House!
                                       (All depart, singing and dancing.)


                              THE END